When you are living the long distance life weekends are everything. They are the prize in the cereal box, the light at the end of the tunnel, the jackpot at the casino, they are your work week end game. So when your love comes home and you have a weekend where you aren't quite clicking or your snippy at each other it's devastating when the weekend is over.
You feel like you've failed - not only yourself but your significant other - and your relationship. You're supposed to be stronger than PMS or a headache or a bad habit. You're supposed to cherish those moments together and seize the weekend with gusto and purpose. Then after the weekend is over and your love is walking out the door back to work and you realize you have 5 more days to go before you see that person again - and you realize you wasted the weekend on petty feelings and snippy comments. You have failed.
There are ways to combat this and there are reasons it happens. Let's look at those first:
- If you were PMSing - this one isn't completely your fault but it's good to recognize it, acknowledge the fact that it has power, and apologize to your spouse. Not saying they didn't fail this weekend as well but it wouldn't hurt to shoot out a text citing PMS as a possible explanation for some of your irritation this past weekend.
- Stress - if you're like us you're selling a house. Which means you have to keep it spotless all the time. People are setting up appointments to look at it. So you and the 3 dogs have to vacate at a moments notice. You've also got to figure out where you're going to live once this house is sold... and where are you going to live and how will it feel moving into a small 1 bedroom apartment since he's still long distance and you kind of live alone and it makes you a little sad. All of this could be a reason you're a little pissy this weekend.
- You aren't feeling like a priority - as a woman I feel like this is a big one. If I don't feel like a priority I get snippy and snippy is never good. Because it's essentially bitch. Sometimes it's hard for your spouse to always make you feel like the priority. You have 3 dogs, you're selling the house, they make these stupid gaming things called PS4 and you bought him one, and sometimes he'd like some me time to himself. And sometimes it is a lot of work to make you feel like the priority. especially if he does a wonderful job of it 90% of the time. Putting extra on top can be hard - especially when you're already being snippy.
- And sometimes your partner just plain annoys you - people are human and human emotions happen. Sometimes the littlest thing can ignite a war or at least really tick a person off. Which results in the entirety of the couple becoming snippy. You're snippy so he gets defensive which makes him snippy which escalates you to full bitch mode. Not a lot brings it back from Bitch mode quickly either.
Now all of the reasons above are logical reasons why you had a not so great weekend with your out of town significant other. Let's talk about ways to right the ship:
- You know the weekend was a mess and you're already sad as your person slips out the door to the dreaded job out of town. Instant regret and definitely some tears come into play as they leave. You vow PMS will never win again. Solution: Don't let it win ever again. Know the signs and track that calendar and be prepared. Know you're being nit-picky and there isn't any reason for it. Shove some chocolate in your mouth, hold your tongue, give him a hug instead. Seriously all of these are better ideas. And after the weekend is done be sweet - remind him that you miss him and plan something a tad more fun for the next weekend.
- Stressed? You have every right to be - life is stressful, relationships are stressful, the dogs are stressful. What's even more stressful? Him leaving and you feeling guilty that you ruined the weekend (though not completely your fault.) Easy fix ask him for a back massage, this will help relieve your tension and most men love an excuse to rub on you. They tend to think it promotes you offering to rub them back...Seriously. If I could re-do one thing this weekend it would be that. I think the entire weekend would have been a lot better.
- Not feeling like a priority? (in your head you just said No-shit-Sherlock!) This may not be his fault, it could be, but it may not be. As women it is our job to be the vocal one, or should you be in a same sex relationship and you feel this way it is your responsibility to bring it to the others attention. It is not fair at all to your spouse to run around angry at them for this and not tell them. They aren't mind readers - they're just super nervous by then. Tell him - I think if I'd told EC I wasn't feeling special or like a priority no matter how not true it was it could have changed the weekend. Because being that he is my other half he would have tried to change it and that would have righted the ship immediately.
- Partner annoying you? Damn straight and that's an equal parts wrong moment. Maybe it's asinine or minuscule but it is a moment to work on your communication. I've become rather OCD about keeping our house clean and tidy since it has been put on the market. Any little thing EC moved or didn't straighten or God forbid hid from me was an opportunity for him to annoy the mess out of me. Instead of rationally approaching him about this I just went with muttering "I kill you" over and over. He was walking pretty gingerly around the house for the rest of the weekend. Did I finally explain it to him yes, did it make up for my OCD bitch attack? No, no it did not.
So in hindsight most everything could be fixed by communicating better. And this is on both of us. Me for not speaking what I was feeling and him for not pushing me to explain where his loving fiancee was hiding. So this week though we're long distance I'll be trying to make up for it and he'll be a little more vocal with how he feels about it. And come next weekend we'll try a little harder and hopefully we've grown a little stronger in our relationship.