I hadn't clued everyone in yet and I am obviously not advertising it like a neon sign but, EC is working out of state on a project. This came to head about 3 weeks after we closed on our first house, wish his office had let us know before we bought the house...
He got a really great opportunity to head up a team working on a project for The Biltmore in Asheville and unfortunately my current company wouldn't let me work remote from Asheville. Much less we have our house here, my barn family is amazing and it would truly be hard to leave them, on top of fitting 2 people/3 dogs/1 cat/and 1 bird in a one bedroom apartment. So the decision was made I'll stay here and we'll see each other on weekends.
This has been really hard to say the least - we essentially have been living on top of each other for 2 years then suddenly I only see him on weekends. We had to really work and learn to communicate over the phone instead of face to face. I'm terrible about shutting down if I feel neglected and he gets nervous if I'm not vocal enough. So together that makes a mess of "are we ok" "Are you sure?" questions that irk me beyond belief. So we learned and we got really great at communicating, then we got engaged.
And then we tried to plan a wedding that would take place while he was still gone. Common sense prevailed and we moved it back. I couldn't imagine marrying this amazing man and then having to live apart. I'd rather start that chapter together in the same state, the same house, the same bed. Plus honestly planning a wedding while he wasn't here was both awesome and terrible. I had free range to plan and he had almost no way to veto my decisions. So we hired a wedding planner.
It's hard seeing someone who plays such a large role in your life once a week for 2 nights and 3 days. It's hard to build a life and plan a wedding and co-parent these crazy animals when I spend 80% of my time alone. It's hard not being so scared at home alone trying to not be paranoid about every bump in the night. It's hard being alone.
But there are some really fun perks. Which are going to sound super lazy and not all that awesome. But trust me they are they're pretty awesome:
- When eating pie there is no need to get a plate or a cup. Go straight from the jug and the pie pan. No muss no fuss and no mess to clean up.
- No shaving trimmings on my sink - my biggest pet peeve.
- No one eats your food - those pizza roles you've been hoarding in the back of the freezer. They're safe from marauding fiance's.
- Remote sharing - a thing of the past. I get to watch all my shows when I want to and no one is erasing the DVR either...
- No judgement when you sneak that last piece of chocolate or the whole cake. It didn't happen if it wasn't witnessed by someone else.
So it's hard, I miss that man of mine and our labrador Rhett who lives with him during the week. I miss waking up in the middle of the night and kissing his shoulder because he's there and I'm so grateful he's mine. I miss eating dinner with him, and going on nightly walks together with the pups. I miss arguing over who takes out the trash, who's turn it is to take the dogs out at 3 am. I miss feeling secure in my house. I miss seeing his face first thing in the morning. I miss kissing him goodbye before work. I. Miss. Him.
But right now this is where life is and it doesn't suck - it's just a little harder than normal.